this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
