SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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