I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
