My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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