Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Less talking, more tequila
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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