I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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