Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Randomize
