I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
