There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize