when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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