I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
