theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
