what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
