Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
