I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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