Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
