foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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