just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
