Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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