my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
