Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
