felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
