And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
