he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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