Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize