i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
