when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize