i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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