3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
