I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize