we're chasing vodka with high fives
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Farmville is her only friend.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
