i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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