My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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