How'd it feel making her break her religion?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
