But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
