Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
