Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize