just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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