if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
