Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
