I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
