i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
