im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
How external is "for external use only"?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
