Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
