I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
