The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
