I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
