Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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