Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
