batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
