You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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