dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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