WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
