She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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