My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
3 2 1 whiskey
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
