She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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