i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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