I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize