i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
