I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
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