I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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