if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
