I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
