First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You were trust falling into bushes
I touched a dick in church today
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
