I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize