i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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