dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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