All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
